How Am I Doing Here?
Some people wonder why any sane Christian person would seek inner healing. The mere thought of slogging through those painful times of reflection and prayer with a Prayer Minister just seems hard and difficult. Yet for those who desire healing in their families and in themselves and have come to recognize areas where life is not going well, some might be asking: surely this cannot be the ‘blessed life’ Jesus spoke of so often. We are truly blessed when we come out on the other side and can clearly see the possibility for renewed relationships. Perhaps as I have walked through my healing I am beginning to understand the Lord’s heart for us to grow up and walk in wholeness and strength as we live out our lives with freedom and joy. The Lord has been so kind to steady my steps and tell me when the going is hard, “You’re doing fine. Keep at it. There’s so much more.” I am living and breathing proof there is so much more. My last trip home was a sweet proof of His great work in me.
The trip back home from Florida to Houston was a very early 5:30 am flight. The full plane was boarded, settled with ‘wheels up’ right on time. Now finally with a long awaited hot tea and biscuit I could see out the window to a sunrise behind me just beginning to tint the sky. Tears came as I reflected back on the past two weeks and all the events that had taken place. Joy unspeakable filled my heart as I realized that for the very first time I felt a true healing had come. Kinship and honor had been restored in me towards my mother and father. As I sat in the noisy plane tucked all the way to the back of my seat, tears continued to flow as I rejoiced and considered what a great work the LORD has done in my heart. I chuckled to myself in deep realization of how “happy” I was having truly enjoyed the time I had with them. This perspective is such a different place than a year ago or ever that I can remember!
I will be honest in sharing that there were many opportunities for me to run back to a place of offense, hurt and bitter resentment. But a shift had come in my heart. Inner healing is such a different place to sit in and see through eyes of His love flowing through me, something I had not been accustomed to. I had a different perspective and a different heart; they were of Christ and I could see my parents from His perspective so clearly and with great peace. To me it was like seeing them in full ‘living color’ instead of a monochrome black and white that my own sinful response had painted of them. There were times and instances during those two weeks that I had to just stop, breathe and quickly turn to Jesus asking for clarity and wisdom to question, “Jesus where am I?” in this or that situation. The Holy Spirit would then kindly settle on my heart and the angst and pain would lift just enough for me to see again my response. I was able to see clearly the judgements and expectancies I had held. Simply and gently, I confessed my part and with repentance, allowed the Holy Spirit to wash over my heart again, as the flow of His love washed me new and clean. A smile would return and with great joy I could move on. A number of times I applied the ‘flash prayers’ I’d learned about, asking, “How am I doing here? Help me Jesus.” Gently and kindly I’d hear “You’re doing just fine.” What a joy and comfort to have such a sweet reminder that He is there with us in every place, in every relationship where we welcome Him to come and be our encourager, support and our Great healer. I’m so grateful that I invited Him in and that I have a friend that sticks closer than a brother; my Prayer Minister.